Pre-marital counseling is a way to enrich your relationship so that it has every opportunity to grow into a satisfying and stable marriage. Pre-marital counseling will give you clearer pictures of yourselves as individuals, and of your relationship as a couple; you will learn your strengths, and identify areas where growth is needed. By learning more about yourselves, you will be better able to spot problems developing long before they become a serious threat to your relationship.
Typically, pre-marital counseling covers a variety of topics including: conflict management, friends, finances, spirituality, sexuality, children, gender roles and expectations. You will have the opportunity to discuss the families in which you grew up, and learn how your family experiences influence your couple relationship. Pre-marital counseling will introduce you to effective ways to communicate and solve problems together.
What can you expect from Reverend Joplin?
- Honest responses to your questions and concerns
- Confidentiality
Answer: Do you realize that it is harder to get a driver’s license than it is to get a marriage license? Nearly half of the marriages today end up in divorce court. I, believe that it is worth it to make every effort to insure that people know how to make the most of their marriage before it even starts. Pre-marital counseling helps to develop marriages with healthy, positive views such as:
- Partner & marriage are special
Respect, value, care, & love
Separateness & togetherness both are ok
Handle conflict positively, successfully
Humor & play without sarcasm & put-downs
Healthy connection with family of origin
Feelings & opinions accepted, not rejected
Differences of opinion openly talked about
Freedom to bring up any issue without fear or rejection
Flexibility of roles
When two people are dating, they usually put their best foot forward. Their partner sees the best side of them. When you change that situation to living with someone on a daily basis, their faults or little habits (and we all have them) are no longer concealed.
In a healthy relationship, the two people are bound together by their love for one another, but are still individuals with their own personalities. These two people grew up in different families, and may be coming into marriage with assumptions about how key issues will be dealt with. Some of the issues seem minor, but when two people disagree about an issue, it can cause problems and hurt feelings.
It is recommended that you attend pre-marital counseling so you can disclose and discuss your feelings and opinions on several topics. You may think "Oh, we've already talked about all that stuff, so we're all set." You probably have already discussed many topics, but by meeting with an experienced pastor/counselor, he or she may bring up some issues you haven't thought of. Or, in some cases, one partner feels like they have already discussed everything, when in reality the conversation was one sided: one partner talked, while the other one listened.
There are many other issues to sort out. It goes much smoother and you tend to stay on track better with a pastor/counselor present. Many religions require you to attend pre-marital counseling if you are getting married in the church. If this is not the case for you, I strongly encourage you to invest this time into your relationship.
Communication Topics for GrowthHere are some topics for communication between partners who desire to grow their relationship.
- What three things do I admire in you?
- What three things do I like about myself?
- What two things do I dislike about myself and what am I prepared to change?
- How can I help you realize how important you are to me?
- What are some ways we can help each other grow in forgiveness?
- List three people who encourage me. How do they specifically do this?
- What is the best way I can encourage you?
- What do I see as the biggest differences between us? Which of these tend to bring us closer together?
- How can our differences improve our understanding of each other?
- List several things which I consider are romantic.
This tool is designed to help couples learn more about themselves and their unique relationship.
Key marital relationship factors:
- 1. Pre-marital Assessment
Couple not previously married
Interfaith couple
Second marriage couple
Cohabiting couple
Pre-marital Instruction
The Marriage Institution
Family backgrounds
Expectations in Marriage
Fulfilling Needs In Marriage
Love as a Basis for Marriage
Communication
Conflicts
Finances
Budgeting
Sex in Marriage
Divorce and Remarriage
3. Background Checks
Criminal History
Marriage & Divorce Records
Credit History
Motor Vehicle Report
Education verification
Professional License Verification
Employment & Earning Summary
Worker's Compensation History
SSN Verification
Reference Checks
Business Credit Reports
Name & Address Verification
This quiz is designed to start you thinking and talking about your relationship with your partner. It is not designed to be scientifically accurate or a predictor of a successful relationship. When you meet with your pastor, take the opportunity to give honest and thoughtful answers to these questions:
- My partner and I have a very close relationship.
- My partner has some habits I dislike.
- I can share positive and negative feelings with my partner.
- We have some important disagreements that never seem to get resolved.
- We have similar styles of spending and saving.
- I sometimes feel pressured to participate in activities my partner enjoys.
- I am very satisfied with the amount of affection I receive.
- I have some concerns about my partner as a parent.
- I believe household responsibilities should be shared equally.
- We sometimes disagree on our spiritual beliefs.
- Where will you live after getting married?
- Are you both going to work?
- Are there theological differences to be dealt with?
- How will you spend your holidays?
- Do you want to have children? How many? How far apart?
- How will you discipline them?
- Who will discipline them?
- How will financial decisions be handled?
- Who will pay the bills? (actually write the checks)
- How do you feel about using credit cards?
Decisions about who to marry and have children with are likely to have more effect on future happiness than any other decisions in life, so they are worth considering as soberly as possible, given that we can be so easily misled in the first flush of love.
- There is very little conflict in our relationship.
- When there is conflict we handle it very satisfactorily.
- I find myself agreeing with my partner far more often than disagreeing.
- If my partner ended up developing a similar character to his/her parents, or became like them in old age, I would be very happy about this.
- I feel that I can share all my feelings, good and bad, with my partner and that he/she does the same with me.
- My partner is very similar to me in cultural, social, intellectual and economic background and probably in intelligence.
- We share similar philosophies of life or spiritual beliefs.
- We share the same sense of humor.
- My partner's health is good, I would describe him/her as basically a happy person and I don't think he/she is likely to suffer from depressions, obsessions, excessive anxieties or other mental health problems.
- My partner is sensitive and kind and not selfish or self-obsessed.
- If I lived in a society where parents arranged marriages for their children, my partner is just the kind of person my parents might have chosen for me.
- We have a lot of conversational interests in common, I enjoy his/her conversation on a variety of topics and I like his/her friends.
- Judging by track record to date, my partner is monogamous when in a serious relationship.
- We agree on the extent of freedom within marriage as regards other relationships and I therefore don't think jealousy will be a problem for either of us.
The ten qualities of a happy marriage are listed below. Discuess each term with your intended and see if you both are in the same place with respects to your answers.
- Commitment
Loving
Acceptance
Respect
Maturity And Responsibility
Intimacy
Conflict Resolution
Money
Gender Roles and Sex
Spirituality
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Phoenix, Arizona 85007
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